Weekend's With Vivien

This past weekend was "my " weekend. I have to share her every other weekend with her dad. I hate it!!! Everyone around me says "but don't you need a break??" My answer to them is "NO", I did not have a child to "have a break" as everyone so mildly puts it. It's hard for me to understand mom's that actually "want" to be away from there kids. Being divorced to some people is o.k.
Well...Let's just say that I'm not one of those people. I love spending every sec. That I have with Vivien. I waited until I was 29 to have her and now I hate having to share her.
This past weekend we went the the Ft. Worth Stock Show. We had so much fun together. She wanted a pair of cowboy boots, so I got her some. She looked so cute. Now I need to go and get her some Rockies like mine. Actually that curl Girl brand is the ones I have now, maybe they make some for her size.
Yes...She is only 4 3/4's (march 19, she will be 5). She will be 5 this year and I am wondering where the time went.
Not every weekend do we get to do something, but if we stay at home, I play with her and were color and I watch her play on the computer. I just love it. I love my time with her and every moment is so valuable to me.
she will be the only child that I have so I don't want to miss a thing. She is my world and she is getting so big.
I hope that even though she is getting bigger that she will always want to spend time with me. I want her to have her friends and all, I just hope she does not dread being here with me one day. I want to take her places and do fun stuff with her always.
Only time will tell!

Pleasing People

Let me just start off by saying that I am 33 yrs old fixin to be 34 on Feb. 8th.
However...I have for the last 34 yrs tried to please EVERYONE around me (family & friends, ect..) and always put myself last. When I do put myself even close to the top of the list, I feel guilty. WHY????
Some of my close friends tell me all the time to make sure I'm happy 1st. I just laugh and laugh and laugh somemore. For you see...I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!! Out of all the people that are closest to me and actually mean the most (besides my daugther Vivien), is the person that I try to please the most and never, and probably never will meet her standards of approval, is MY MOM. I love her dearly, but I really do not think she realizes how hard she makes things for me sometimes. She knows the type of person I am...I strive to make everyone around me happy. Most of the time I do.
I have to figure out a way to stop doing this. My sisters do not have this problem, they just tell mom how it is and that is that. I'm just not so sure I can or will ever be able to do that. Mom and I have had our share of arguements, but I always feel about as big as an ant afterwords and wish that I could take every word I said back. My mom is a GREAT mom and if I am 1/2 the mom that she is, I will be thankful.

The New Year

2005, let's just hope it is better than last year. Last year started off with my Grandpa's death. Feb. the same month as my 33rd B-day, and his 76th B-day. Even though I did not see him a lot the last few years, I still miss him. Why do things have to change so much (in family) when someone dies. It's like at Christmas this year (& every year since my mom and dad got divorced) my sisters (Kimberly & Jennifer) and I with our crew go to what we call "The Garrison Christmas", now the only REAL reason that we go is for our Grandma. You see she will be 85 in Aug. this year. We all know that she will not be around forever. Don't get me wrong, we love our aunts, uncles, & cousins...we just don't EVER see them until Dec. 25 every year (unless something special like a graduation or something of that nature). I know that when my grandma pass on we will probably not ever see that side of the family. We are all growing up and have our own families.
I would really like to change some things in my life this year. I have started a list in my head and hope that I can achive these things that I want.
So far...nothing major has happened this year, I hope it stays that way.