Family

It's funny how people from the same family (that have the same mom & dad) view each other. A family with a mom, dad, & siblings. All live for the most part together in the same house for most of their lives. Yes...Sometimes divorce will happen, but I truly think that if you are not a baby when that happens you will still have the same effects as the older siblings.
Maybe not to the same extent, but if the divorced parents do not have a good relationship then all the children in the family will feel the effects of their bad marriage.
The things a person remembers or chooses to forget?? I am never quite sure how the human brain stores what happens to you when you are a child. Why do we seem to remember a lot of the "bad stuff" and only a little of the "good stuff"?????
I believe this is why each person will have a different view of "what happened" or how they remember a person. Whether it be a person's actions, views on a subject, anything that forms your opinion about how a person was when you were a child.
Life is a never ending journey, of learning. How we learn is sometimes not always the most favorite by most people, the mistake making lessons, we learn from watching others & books ect... being told all these things help us be the people we will become.

However...There is always that "bump" in the road that takes us in a different direction than we had planned. This is when our memory of our childhood can come into play. Something happens & "boom" an old forgotten memory or event in our past comes to remind us of just how we got to where we are at this very moment in time.
Now...One can choose to reflect and gather new information about the memory being shown, that maybe we missed the 1st or even the 2nd time it was brought back into our lives, or (like most people) they just remember "as is" & do not take the time to reflect on it and as to why the memory is being remembered.

Family is very important.
Family does not always have an "up" side
Family will always be there (even if they don't agree)
Family is not perfect
Family is very precious

I am very blessed to have the family I do have...No, I do not agree with everything they do, but I love them and cherish each and every one of them with all my heart.

If I was to make a list and put 5 things I liked and disliked about each one of them, there would be one thing that would keep coming up on everyone's list...

1. Always there for you
(this statement can mean so many different things, not just the material things in life)

I love my family and maybe someday we will ALL be on the same page.

My mid 30's

2005...A new year, "a new beginning"????? The Vote on that is still up in the air. The 1st 3 months of the year have been well...Shall we say "We just thank god everyday for giving us a brand new day to make all kinds of New and better mistakes.

When I turned 29, God had blessed me with a beautiful baby girl. She had a ruff start but you would never know that by looking at her. She is 5 going on 20.

For the most part I have a wonderful family. That I love. Sure we have our ups and downs, but what family is perfect.

When I turned 30, I was ready to close the chapter of the "20's"...Lets just say I have learned from my mistakes, except for 1.

The 1 mistake that I seem to keep on making is, a very hard thing for me to stop doing. I know that I have too, for my own well being. I think that is why I can not get better with my depression & eating disorder. It has only been 2-1/2 yrs since I admitted that I had an eating disorder (the ruffest 2-1/2 yrs of my life). Don't get me wrong, god gave me my baby girl to get me through this. She makes me strong. She is the reason I get up everyday.
My mistake is not living for ME, I have been trying to be someone that I will never be, for someone that no matter what I do or say will ever be right. I don't even know who, since I was about 11, that I am suppose to be.
When I am with Vivien, I am myself, the person I need to be all the time. But it seems that once I walk out my front door, the movie begins. I am playing a part in some movie and I don't know how to stop it.

How??? I ask do you stop playing a part that you have been acting out for the past 23 yrs of your life. How do I stop it.
The person (that I love dearly) does not even know how much pain she causes me everyday. Someone that has always been there, but just not quit in the right way.

I'm tired of this movie and I don't think I can play the part much longer. I look back on my life and relize that I have not lived it for myself.
p.s. Kimberly...You probably know who I am talking about, so PLEASE, I beg you NOT to say anything!! I'm just having a low day today, I have not had one in quite some time. I will be fine, things will be the way they need to be.