I THANK GOD EVERY DAY...

Every morning when I wake up, I thank God for everything he has giving me in my life. My life has not been the all American, white picket fence, walk in closet, dog in the back yard life...However, the past few months God has been teaching me a very valuable lesson. That "my"so called hard life, is in fact not that hard at all. Things could be a lot worse!!!! There are people around me that I know who have had a much harder life than I could even think of. The past few months God has giving me a different outlook at my situtation, my life, whatever you want to call it. I'm really VERY lucky to have a family, friends, & a wonderful little girl in my life. People that care about me & love me. Most people go through life with only a few of these things & I have all of them. What could I possibly have to bitch about. About 6-1/2 yrs. Ago I was always a very positive person and hardly ever thought negative. Then I met my ex, "who" was always negative & somehow by being with him he changed me into a different person. Not for the worse or anything & not for the better...Just different. I have been really trying not to forget that I am very lucky to have what I have. Sometimes it just gets really hard!!!!

"CHRISTMAS TIME"

Christmas Time is my favorite holiday...However over the past few years it has changed a lot.

Over the years family members have grown up, had children, moved away, gotten married ect...

It happens, the other day I was looking at one Vivien's scrapbooks that I have made for her and saw a picture of my 2 sisters & I laughing. It was the year that my mom on Christmas eve made us open the gift that she picked out. It was a pair of P.J.'s. (we get P.J.'s just about every year), but this year all 3 of us opened our present at the same time to reveal the same pair of P.J.'s. It was so funny. So all 3 of us went into the room and changed into the matching sleepwear we had just opened. The picture is of all 3 of us laying down on the floor hugging each other. It is a great picture since we do not have very many like that. We are all very different, but in the same since we are all very much alike. Just in different ways. It's funny how you can share the same DNA, but look at things so differently. And yet, understand why they may look at it differently. I don't think we are suppose to understand that one!!!

Anyway...This year for Christmas will be the one that is going to not be as great. Let's see, my sister Jennifer & my 2 nephews will not be spending the night on Christmas Eve (like we usually do), my little sis Kimberly & her hubby Alan will not be here (it's along turn), & most of all my brother Aaron will not be here at all (he moved to Cali last summer). So my dad & mom will be very sad since his whole family will not be together this year. It will only be Vivien, Mom, Dad & myself on Christmas Morning. A part of me is very sad, but the other part knows it is just a part of life.

I just thank the Lord everyday that I have a family to be with!!! But most of all I thank him for my little girl Vivien because my life would not be the same without her. She is my whole world!!!

"All settled in"

Finally...Vivien & I are all moved in to my parents house.

1. All the utilities have been turned off (check),

2. Got P.O.Box (check),

3. Getting to work on time (check),

4. All bags & boxes unpacked (check).

Actually, it has been pretty smooth sailing with the transition & all.
My new job is well...Sucks!!! But I'm trying to hang in there at least until the beginning of the year.

"Lot's of changes coming down from Corp. & all, very important with our move to the new building"

good thing we are moving by March, because we are all packed in like sardines and these sardines are not the real friendly kind.

Yes...The girls I work with are mean. Just not real nice or outgoing. Don't know what that is all about, but it's kindof good. Why...So that BIG mouth (me) will keep from talking my head off about stuff that just is nobody's business.

I'm just and open person. I guess that is why I loved my job as a hair dresser. People "WANT" to talk when they come and get their hair done.

Anyway...My life is not were I had hoped it would be at 34 almost 35 yrs old.
I will say this...I have learned a lot over the past few years, things I probably did not want to learn.
Now as I have this new beginning I am going to try my damnest not to screw up my 5 yr olds life & what is left of mine try to make better.

I want for my daughter one day to look back at her childhood and the 1st things she thinks about is positive or fun, not to be a bad memory or a bad time in her life.
For me if someone was to ask me my earliest childhood memory; let's just say it would not be a happy one!!!!
I just pray and thank god everyday for Vivien and my family, & all the strength he has given me in the past years and future years to come.