Mid-30's

2006-11-20T23:55:00.000-06:00

The TWINS are here!! I am truly blessed to have them here safe and sound.
They were born at 34 weeks, 6 lbs 12 ozs my boy Rhett Montgomery, & 4 lbs 10 ozs my girl Savannah Leigh. Their BIG sissy Vivien Blair is doing such a great job in helping me out with them. She will feed them for me and it is so cute. They are eating cereal now and Vivien has feed them both, it is so cute. She gets it all over there face. She thinks it is so funny to have it all over their face.
Being a mom of 3 is very different. It is hard, but it is cool. The twins are almost 4 months old and they are starting to talk and smile and just be so alert. It is so fun to see them smile at you in the morning when they are just waking up.
That is what gets me through the day...is to know that I will get to come home and see 3 faces smile at me.
That is the best feeling ever!!!!

"TWINS"

2006-01-14T09:04:00.002-06:00

Just when you think you are goiing to finally get your life back on the right track, save some
money, get your head on straight..."BOOM", bomb falls right into your lap.

You are preg., yes preg. not a little bit preg. with the normal 1 child, but you find out that the reason you have been so dizzy & had quite a bit of nausa, and let's not forget that I CAN'T KEEP MY MOUTH OUT OF THE TROUF!!!!!!
The last thing on my mind when the Doc. told me yesterday (at about 5:00pm, we had been at JPS since 8:30am) the words

YOU ARE HAVING TWINS

Thats right twins, can you say "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD", that was the 1st thing out of my sister Jennifers mouth, followed by what she wanted them to be, BOYS, NO MAYBE A BOY AND A GIRL!,
My little sisters 1st words to me were "YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO POOR"
The due date is 2 days before jennifers b-day, Aug. 26th, that will mean that Aug. will truly be the B-day month for the family
It goes like this:
Aug. 8, Kimberly & Zach's B-days
Aug. 15, Mom & Dads 19th anniv.
Aug. 17, Grandma 86th B-day
Aug. 20th, Aarons B-day
Aug. 26th "twins are born"
Aug. 28th, Jennifers B-day
What a month!!!!!!
things will be fine & yes...I will be poor, but at least I will be happy with all my kids around me. Vivien will always, always be #1, but she will make a good big sis when it is all said and done.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR"

2006-01-01T21:20:00.000-06:00

The first day of a new year!!!
A chance to start over on things you wanted to do last year.
A chance to make wrong things, right.
New goals, or fine tuning some old ones.
Just trying to find a happy point in your life.
Remembering each day that you should live that day like it was your last, you just never know!!

The last line brings me to the point I came downstairs to enter this blog. Today for some reason I realized something about life. Everyone always thinks "oh that would never happen to me".
Well...I have been trying to get back to the old "me" that always was a positive thinker.
Things, People, Jobs changed all that in the last 7 years. My life is not hard by any means, it really never has been. Yes...Bad things have happened, but everyone has bad things happen.
That IS life, our lessons from God. What we chose to do with them that is up to the person.

My little sis had a dear friend die today.
How could anyone have known that on Thursday, when he simply cut his foot open, went to the hospital to have it taken care of, would be gone by Sunday. 4 days and a good man has died from a blood infection.
How valuable is every second of your life then, when you are faced with that. These types of things happen everyday, but its what we do when we get up every morning, a new day god has given us, how will we spend that day.
I know I am going to be looking a my mornings a little different this year.

I THANK GOD EVERY DAY...

2005-12-24T01:41:00.000-06:00

Every morning when I wake up, I thank God for everything he has giving me in my life. My life has not been the all American, white picket fence, walk in closet, dog in the back yard life...However, the past few months God has been teaching me a very valuable lesson. That "my"so called hard life, is in fact not that hard at all. Things could be a lot worse!!!! There are people around me that I know who have had a much harder life than I could even think of. The past few months God has giving me a different outlook at my situtation, my life, whatever you want to call it. I'm really VERY lucky to have a family, friends, & a wonderful little girl in my life. People that care about me & love me. Most people go through life with only a few of these things & I have all of them. What could I possibly have to bitch about. About 6-1/2 yrs. Ago I was always a very positive person and hardly ever thought negative. Then I met my ex, "who" was always negative & somehow by being with him he changed me into a different person. Not for the worse or anything & not for the better...Just different. I have been really trying not to forget that I am very lucky to have what I have. Sometimes it just gets really hard!!!!

"CHRISTMAS TIME"

2005-12-14T21:16:00.000-06:00

Christmas Time is my favorite holiday...However over the past few years it has changed a lot.

Over the years family members have grown up, had children, moved away, gotten married ect...

It happens, the other day I was looking at one Vivien's scrapbooks that I have made for her and saw a picture of my 2 sisters & I laughing. It was the year that my mom on Christmas eve made us open the gift that she picked out. It was a pair of P.J.'s. (we get P.J.'s just about every year), but this year all 3 of us opened our present at the same time to reveal the same pair of P.J.'s. It was so funny. So all 3 of us went into the room and changed into the matching sleepwear we had just opened. The picture is of all 3 of us laying down on the floor hugging each other. It is a great picture since we do not have very many like that. We are all very different, but in the same since we are all very much alike. Just in different ways. It's funny how you can share the same DNA, but look at things so differently. And yet, understand why they may look at it differently. I don't think we are suppose to understand that one!!!

Anyway...This year for Christmas will be the one that is going to not be as great. Let's see, my sister Jennifer & my 2 nephews will not be spending the night on Christmas Eve (like we usually do), my little sis Kimberly & her hubby Alan will not be here (it's along turn), & most of all my brother Aaron will not be here at all (he moved to Cali last summer). So my dad & mom will be very sad since his whole family will not be together this year. It will only be Vivien, Mom, Dad & myself on Christmas Morning. A part of me is very sad, but the other part knows it is just a part of life.

I just thank the Lord everyday that I have a family to be with!!! But most of all I thank him for my little girl Vivien because my life would not be the same without her. She is my whole world!!!

"All settled in"

2005-12-07T19:30:00.000-06:00

Finally...Vivien & I are all moved in to my parents house.

1. All the utilities have been turned off (check),

2. Got P.O.Box (check),

3. Getting to work on time (check),

4. All bags & boxes unpacked (check).

Actually, it has been pretty smooth sailing with the transition & all.
My new job is well...Sucks!!! But I'm trying to hang in there at least until the beginning of the year.

"Lot's of changes coming down from Corp. & all, very important with our move to the new building"

good thing we are moving by March, because we are all packed in like sardines and these sardines are not the real friendly kind.

Yes...The girls I work with are mean. Just not real nice or outgoing. Don't know what that is all about, but it's kindof good. Why...So that BIG mouth (me) will keep from talking my head off about stuff that just is nobody's business.

I'm just and open person. I guess that is why I loved my job as a hair dresser. People "WANT" to talk when they come and get their hair done.

Anyway...My life is not were I had hoped it would be at 34 almost 35 yrs old.
I will say this...I have learned a lot over the past few years, things I probably did not want to learn.
Now as I have this new beginning I am going to try my damnest not to screw up my 5 yr olds life & what is left of mine try to make better.

I want for my daughter one day to look back at her childhood and the 1st things she thinks about is positive or fun, not to be a bad memory or a bad time in her life.
For me if someone was to ask me my earliest childhood memory; let's just say it would not be a happy one!!!!
I just pray and thank god everyday for Vivien and my family, & all the strength he has given me in the past years and future years to come.

Will be a sad day

2005-11-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

Ever since I was 11 yrs old and became obessed with driving,

I have wanted a Mustang.

Not just any Mustang a 64 1/2 conv. w/ the org. 289 4 speed. I have several hot wheel cars, some other sizes that I have found & the one that cost me the most was my favorite model...The one that came from the derby Mint. It has a certificate of authancey with a number of how many were made. It cost $100 back in 1991 when I got it. Anyone that know me knows of my obession with the Mustang. Most would go so far to say that when they are not with me and they see a Mustang the 1st person they think of is Me!!! I have even had ex-boyfriends tell me that.

So...I finally get the point in my life when I can buy a Mustang, however it's not the 64 1/2 conv., but it is a 1994 GT 5.0/ 5 speed. I get to drive it off the lot with only 170miles on it. I was on my own living with a friend. I worked 2 jobs for 5 years to pay for that car. So much has happened in my car. I'm always the one that drives when me & my friends (use to ) go out (I didn't drink & drive). So I was the DD all the time & I did not mind. I love to drive.

However...The car is now going to be 12 yrs old on Jan. 31,06. The last 3 years a lot of money has gone into. Not all my money...My parents have helped me out. I have a 5yr old now & can't work 2 jobs. Last week the bill was in the $600 range & today was another bill in the $600 range. The mach. Told my dad that there is about another 1,200 that it will need sooner than later. This you see makes me VERY sad. My mom & dad have said they will not put any more money in it. I'm going to cry if they make me sell my car. That is the only thing I have to show for, that I bought & payed for on my own. I'm 34yrs old and life has thrown me a HUGE curve ball.

How do I make them understand how much this car means to me and what it represents for me & my life????

Sad day is about to come :(

2005-11-15T20:46:00.001-06:00

Me & Vivien

2005-11-15T20:46:00.000-06:00

Vivien Blair

2005-11-15T20:45:00.001-06:00

my girl

2005-11-15T20:45:00.000-06:00

my little model

2005-11-15T20:44:00.000-06:00

vivien 5 yrs old

The New "JOB"

2005-11-09T21:32:00.000-06:00

Can you say...I'M JUST THE NEW GIRL!!!!!
I have been there for 3 days & with only 12 hours total last week of training & to top it off the position I took over is all messed up. The girl that was there before me is now in outside sales, so she just left me with all her undone stuff. Oh & did I mention that SHE WAS BEHIND!!!
So...I start this new job with a position that is already behind & I don't know what in the hell I'm doing.
Lucky for me...I learn quick. The software they use is just wrong, but for some reason I have been blessed with the ability to pick up just about anything that has to do with a computer.
I have pretty much learned the system, the main things that I need for right now anyway.
I know it will get better, I just have to stick with it. It will help when I get my desk the way I want it, not the way it is now. It looks like a tree threw up on my desk.
Then I just have to figure out a way to tell my 2 outside sales men to BACK OFF MY SPACE!!
Men...They are driving me crazy.
At least the money will be good!!

The Next Phase...

2005-11-03T18:59:00.000-06:00

In the next 2 weeks my life & Vivien's life are about to change. Change in a big time way, we are moving in with my parents. They are great don't get me wrong, but I have been on my own since I was 19 yrs. old. I moved out with my best friend. I have not lived at home since. I am 34 yrs. old now and this is something that will help me insure a better life in the future for my daughter. It will be a big adjustment for me more so than Vivien. She is only 5, she will love living with Nana & Papa!!! What grandkid wouldn't!! I just hope that I'm making the right decisions for us. Only time will tell on that.

In the midst of all this change I also have another new job. Working in the millwork industry, I have been training all this week and today was the 1st day that I had a chance to get on the computer system and see what it was all about. I have been watching all week. I'm more of a hands on type learner. It is going to be tuff, but hopefully I can do a good job. I learn really quick so that is in my favor.

Maybe in 7 months I will be able to write something great about my life and the way it is headed. As of now...Things are so up in the air, it's hard to be happy.
I have just been taking one day at a time and I'm trying to be as positive as I can.

"GOD'S ANSWERS'

2005-10-28T20:26:00.000-05:00

PRAYING:
It really does work...People that say praying has never worked for them, I feel really sorry for. In my experience god does answer your prayers one way or another. People today are so busy with there lives they don't stop and actually open there eyes to see that God did in fact answer there prayers. He answers in his "time" not "ours". Also, it may not be the outcome or answer that you had hoped for or expected. It's not always sunshine & daises when he does answer. But in the last 7 years he has opened my eyes to receive his answers.
No...They have not always been the ones that I wanted, but I have total faith that God will lead me in the right direction.
I just have to remember not to be tempt by Satan & his angels that are all around us.

The past week has been a worldwind of God's answers to many of my prayers, it's like a bunch of them answered all at once. The prayers are ones that will change my life forever from this point on. Forward is a good & healthy way to be in your life.
For a few years now I have just been wobbling on that fence...But now with the new answers I can finally move forward and make some real changes in my life.
I'm about start on a very long road (w/ bumps along the way, I'm sure), I know that I will not be alone and God will show me the way. I just have to stay focused.
Wish me luck!!!

Something fun

2005-10-13T10:10:00.000-05:00

Name someone with the same birthday as you. The actor "Gary Coleman"
Where was your first kiss? Playground 6th grade
Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? No!
Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Only in self-defense
Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? 3rd grade play "the wizard of oz"
What is the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? his arms
What do you order at the Coffee Bean? no coffee from anywhere for me thank you
What is your biggest mistake? when I was 20 I got married for the 1st time & I left him because I thought he needed to spend more time with me. Only if I had been older, cuz he is doing great & is a great father for his daughter
Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? well...Do tattoos count, cuz I have 3
Say something totally random about yourself. I have probably over $3000.00 dollars worth of scrapbooking stuff. I'm on vivien's 5 one and she is only 5 in kindergarten
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? when I was yonder I got told all the time that I look like "Kristi McNicoles" the actress
Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? both, I have a 5 year old & I love Disney
Did you ever have braces? no, but always wanted them
Are you comfortable with your height? yes
What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you? no of them have really done anything to wright about
When do you know it's love? don't have a clue, I have 2 failed marriages
Do you speak any other languages? no
Have you ever been to a tanning salon? use to go all the time, but not anymore
What magazines do you read? anything that has to do with FORD MUSTANGS
Have you ever ridden in a limo? NO, I'm 34...That is one of my goals before I turn 40
Has anyone you were really close to passed away? yes...My grandmother Bruns, we were very close, it happened when I was about 10 I think. I wish I could be more like her she was a great lady, perfect in my book
Do you watch MTV? sometimes
What's something that really annoys you? mean people & people that will stab you in the back, just to make themselves look good
What's something you really like? spending as much time as I can with my little girl, Vivien
Do you like Michael Jackson? I have to, he was so popular in the 80's when I was growing up, now IM not real fond of him
Can you dance? yes I can, & I don't even have to be drunk. I learned from a friend of mine back in 94 how to do a bunch of dances.
What's the latest you have ever stayed up? like my sis Kimberly said 2 days cramming on a scrapbook for our mom. Thank god there were 3 heads in the project
Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? yes...2 times
Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? yes I do, I read my sis' & decided to answer her with my own blog.

Just something to share

2005-09-28T17:49:00.000-05:00

When I was dropping Vivien off at her school this morning, I stopped by the front office to talk to the ladies in there. Vivien got in trouble again yesterday and was sent to the principals office for yet another swat.
Anyway...She had on her desk in a card holder, not business cards, but a prayer for anyone that needed it to take:

Dear Jesus,

I am thankful that when

I am powerless and my life has become

unmanageable, You will restore

me to sanity if I

turn my will and my life

over to You.

this is just what I needed to make it through.

Hard Lesson Learned

2005-09-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

After almost 3 weeks I found a job on Tuesday. Actually...the job is something that I'm good at, was 'I think" born to do in life.
Ever since I can remember I always wanted to go to Hollywood and do Hair & Make-up for the stars.
Now...I did not take my dream all the way to Hollywood, but I did go to school so that I could get my Cosmetology License. I cut hair off and on for 14 years. If I had followed my heart and made myself happy it would have been 16 years straight now, but instead, I let someone tell me that cutting hair was not a "real job" and that I needed to make more money and have insurance, 401K ect..
So...to make this person happy, instead of making myself happy, I have been at a job that after about 4 months into realized I made a huge mistake. It was an office job. Yes...I made more money, had all the benefits of an office job, I also got something that I was not use to...STRESS!!
Office politics, I don't play that game very well. So for 2 years and some months I worked at this job and busted my butt for this company.
Guess what I got for my hard work...I got told that "it just was not working out". Just like that I'm out of a job. 2 years of un-needed stress, what a waste!!!!
So...the job I got on Tues. is cutting hair again. Let's just say that I have finally learned to make myself happy and not let anyone change my mind to do it differently. If I had only done that 2 years ago!!
This has been the hardest lesson I have learned so far!!!
Maybe now I can be happy!

"Things To Ponder"

2005-09-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

I got an e-mail the other day with several statements that would make one ponder at the question.
I thought I would share just a few of the one's that really made me "stop and ponder":

If corn oil is made from corn & veg. oil is made from veggies, what is baby oil made from?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Can you cry under water?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round??
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated, instead of just murdered?

# 5 really made me stop and think. I did a little research on the actual words "assassinate & murder" This come straight out of the "Webster's Unabridged Dictionary"

Assassin: 1. A murderer, esp. One who kills a politically prominent person for fanatical or monetary reasons.

Assassinate: 1. to kill suddenly or secretively, esp. A politically prominent person; murder premeditatedly & treacherously.

Murder: 1. law the killing of another human being under conditions specifically covered in law. In the U.S., special statutory definitions include murder committed with malice aforethought, characterized by deliberation or premeditation or occurring during the commission of another serious crime, as robbery or arson, a murder by intent but without deliberation or premeditation.

The words are defined the same way, just assassinate has the word "politically prominent person" in it.

So...Why is it that we as a human race think political people are more important than your average trash man, teacher, law officer, doctor, or just the avg. person trying to make it from pay check to pay check. Their "killings" get a special word for their death.

It's just funny to me how the world views have gotten so off course from the way God actually intended for us to.. Makes me stop and think about a lot of other things that are just out of control in the world we live in.

MOTHERHOOD

2005-09-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to be a mom.

Up until about 2 weeks ago, I thought I was a good mom. Not better than any other mom...Just doing what I thought was right. I have a 5 year old girl that started kindergarten in Aug.

For the last 3 weeks she has been getting in trouble at school almost everyday.
She has even been down to the principals office and YES...She got a swat with the paddle.
Last night I had to take all of her favorite toys away because she has gotten her name on the board both Mon. & Tues. of this week.
I'm just pray that today when I go to get her from school that she does not have her name on the board. I want to have a fun evening with my little girl. I have been so upset about it.

I guess some where I have gone wrong. Really Wrong!! I just pray that God will show her the way and show me the way to deal with this problem. She is only 5 and already I feel like a complete failure.

Finding Yourself "again"

2005-09-13T12:13:00.000-05:00

At 34 yrs old I have had yet another life changing event happen. Last Thursday (fir the 1st time in my life) I got fired from my job that I had been at for only 2 yrs. I didn't like the job anyway and the week before I was going to put in my 2 week notice.
I guess it's just the fact that they did it before I could do it 1st.
Still one has to think of there responsibilities and mine is a 5 yr old little girl. That is the whole reason that I did not quit. I hope the 2 people that fired me can sleep at night knowing that they put a single mom with a 5 yr old out of a job. It is was me I would not have been able to do it.
Oh well....Everything happens for a reason and I had been praying to God for an answer. I got an answer alright!!! Not quite the one I was hoping for but that is not always how it works.

I got the classifieds out on Friday and there is an opening in a Salon for a receptionist. I was a hairdresser for 14 yrs and I should have no problem getting the job. The only thing that would hold me back from taking it or getting it would be the late hours. I have to pick Vivien up from school by 6:00. It is an upscale salon called the "Ann Wayne Salon".
I think I will go and fill out an app. Who knows...Maybe this could be a start of a whole new life.
I know I'm not missing the stress of going to my old job. I have not had a headache since last Friday. I was getting headaches every day...Now I know why
Wish me luck!!!

Only took 11 days!!!!!

2005-09-02T16:17:00.000-05:00

Only 11 days for what you might ask...Well let me tell you. My little Vivien started kindergarten on Aug (Wed.). She seems to be doing really well and the 1st full week of school she brings home her "CODE OF CONDUCT" sheet for the parents to look at and for us to sign it. I was looking over Vivien's sheet and she got some really good marks for the 1st full week of school.
Also they get a grade on there BIBLE verse that they have to say on Friday's in front of the class. She got the highest grade you can get. That would be an "O" for outstanding...Is able to recite the verse w/out any help from the teacher.
How proud am I of my baby girl. VERY,VERY,VERY PROUD!!!!!
So, here I am thinking that maybe, just maybe she has matured a little since she is in "BIG" school now. "WRONG", "WRONG" & "WRONG AGAIN", on Wed. We are on our way to get in the car and like I do every day, get her folder out of her backpack to see her papers and the "smiley face stamp" on the square for the day. I open the folder and what do I see...NOT as smiley face!!!! When they get there name on the board the teacher will write down what was going on. Seems my little one was having trouble with
"kindness & self-control" I was so disappointed. I asked her what had happened and so that night sat down and wrote Mrs. Hensley a note.
Thurs. On our way to school in the morning we are having a talk about how she needs to be kind and use self-control today. She is like, o.k. momma I will, I promise!!
When I pick her up that afternoon, I get the folder and she has a smiley face for the day!!
However...There is a pink note from the teacher to me. Vivien seems to like to get neg. Attention, just as long as it is some kind of attention.
Could this be because she is an only child and has not had to compete for my attention. HUM....Everyone at the school says that it is normal "learning" period for all the students. I'm still concerned, I will just wait and see what happens in the weeks to come and go from there. She is a sweet little girl (when she wants to be), I don't know what goes through that little head of hers sometimes.
I am working at home with her on the way we talk to people, it is party my fault because I have been stressed out and quit to jump on her when I should count to 10 and then approach the subject. This school year will be a learning experience for the both of us. All I can say is that I have been doing A LOT of praying. God always gives me an answer, sometimes I don't always like the answer I get, but...That is not for me to decide.
I just try my best to be a good mom and teach her what is right and wrong!!

Feelings

2005-08-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wish I was not a girl...I'm not saying that I wish is was a man at anytime, just sometimes not being a girl would be nice. Or maybe just being able to do like men do and turn off there feelings. Not being so emotional at times would be the greatest!!!! I know that crying is suppose to be a good thing. However...I do not see it in that way. To me (personally) I find it as a sign of weakness in my charter makeup. I do not like to be weak at any time. This past week, I cried more in 3 days than I have cried in the entire year of 2005.

Don't they make a pill for that?? I'm sure they do...A pill you can take that would just shut your emotions off to everything, but still allow me to give my baby girl the love she needs. If anyone knows the name of the pill & how to get a hold of it. Please let me in on it. I would love to have the same temperament about everything during the day. Just be even, not up or down or sideways about any issuer that gets thrown my way. Boy would that be nice!!!!!

Not Getting In Trouble

2005-07-19T23:02:00.000-05:00

Monday 7/18, I went to work as usual. Turned on my computer, logged on to my program that I use everyday, then last but not least logged into my work e-mail.
We use Outlook Express so that our outside salesman can (from home) e-mail us as needed.

Then there it was, a forward from "my" boss, from the "V.P.", that was from one of my top outside salesman (woman). What a way to start the day. The whole e-mail was about me, my name was not directly said, but I'm "her inside sales" help/person...Whatever you want to call me.

Anyway...Make a long story short, if you are going to take the time out to try to get someone in trouble, or "think" you are going to change something.

You better make darn sure that you have all your FACTS straight.
Let's just say that it back fired in her face and I got told "your doing a good job",by the V.P. Ha Ha Ha!!!!
Victory and I did not even reply to one e-mail. You gotta love that!!!

One up for the little guys. We have to take them however we can get them.
Hopefully she will quit being mad at me sometime. I act like it doesn't even bother me. I think that gets to her even more.
One day my time will come to be in outside sales like I have always wanted to do, but until then. I'm just trying to keep track and learn from all the mistakes that the salesman make now. So hopefully I will do better. I'm not saying I won't make any mistakes...I will...But maybe not as many or at least not the same ones.

V I V I E N B L A I R

2005-07-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

My daughter Vivien is my whole life. There is not anything in this world that compares to her smile,laugh, the way she is. Her whole being is wonderful. Now don't get me wrong she is a handful. Very strong-willed, little girl, and smart!!!

She is starting kindergarten in Aug of this year. How did she get to be 5 so fast, it seems like just yesterday that I was having her. Time really does go by fast when they are young. Actually it has not slowed done at all.
She goes to a private school and before they will advance a child to the next level, there is a test that she school does to make sure your child is ready for there program. She has been going to this school since she was 3 yrs old and last yr she was in Pre-K. But they still do the test because they do not want to just take your money if your child would be better off in another school. I like that because I want Vivien to be challenged in her education.
So the week that she happened to turn 5 they went to get her from her class and take her to do the testing. Now...Vivien does not know that she is being tested, just that they are showing her some things that she will learn in "big school".
Like every parent, we all think "our child" is smart. They called me before they went down to get her to make sure I knew and that it was still O.K.

When I get off the phone with the school I begin to wonder, what if she is not as smart as "I" think she is, what if she is not ready to go into there program and she needs to go to public school. Not that public school is bad (depending on what city you live in), but we live in Keller and it was ranked as the number 1 school in all of Texas. So I would not be worried, but I really like the idea of her being in a private school. Over the last 2 years I have grown to love it up there and the environment that she is in. Her dad and I are divorced but he is very much a part of the decision making of where she goes. We both agree that we want her to go there for the full K-12 grades.
Anyway...Jason and I go to have a meeting with the principal of the school (they like to meet the parents and go over the test). The principal starts to explain how Vivien did and that she scored very high on the test. That she was no longer on a waiting list, they were making a place for her since she did score so high.

She had just turned 5 and she scored like she was a 6 1/2 yr old. WOW!!! Mine and Jasons mouth just dropped, I mean we both knew she was a smart little girl but to hear it from another person that actually had proof, well...That is a whole other ballgame. I almost started to cry I was so happy.

So needless to say "where can I find a Tudor for ME", I'm going to need one.

GROCERY SHOPPING

2005-06-19T01:37:00.000-05:00

I hate to grocery shop, I have always disliked doing this. Why you might ask...Well I will tell you. It's like a 10 step process.
STEP 1:
get in car and drive to store

STEP 2:
get basket (that does not have a wheel messed up or makes a screeching noise)

STEP 3:
get list out and TRY to stick to it

STEP 4:
walk up and down and up and down the isles, putting food in basket (some of which you know you don't need)

STEP 5:
wait in line for like 1/2 the day

STEP 6:
take food out of basket

STEP 7:
walk back out to the car and load all of the plastic bags in your car (this is like the 3rd time you have handled the food) (in TEXAS this is so not fun...It's like 100 until 2:00am)

STEP 8:
drive home (hoping the ice cream does not melt)

STEP 9:
unload all the wonderful plastic bags you just put in there not 5mins ago

STEP 10:
and last but not least...You get to unload all the food and put it up where it goes in your house. (this is the 5th time you have handled it)

Why on earth would anyone enjoy this...Can someone tell me!!!!
(on top of all that you have just spent 2 hrs and $250.00) YUK!!!!

"LOVE"

2005-05-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

LOVE...There are many kinds of love a person can feel, but the one that puzzles me about us "humans" is the "falling in love one". This puzzles me because being in a relationship is HARD WORK. It's like a job more or less and why is that????

I am 34 & been "in love" 3 times, the 1st two times I ended up getting married and divorced. All this before I was 30. "YEA ME"
So...The 3rd and final time (which is now) I hope I don't ever fall in love again. I will not ever get married to this one that I have been dating for 1 1/2yrs, that is because my last time to be married did a number on me. I do not WANT to ever get married and go through that again.

I don't think I'm suppose to be married anyway. I'm too independent and men just don't know how to handle that.

But...My question is this, WHY if you are in love with someone you think you can feel free to just disrespect them (at times) & be mean to them. Then later on act like everything is O.K. and nothing happened. Just brush whatever was said off (like it really did not count or mean anything). Then whatever brought on the argument will just come back in the future because you ignored what the person was trying to get across to you in the 1st place.
Does that make any since to anyone????? Well...Maybe I'm the one that is looking at this relationship stuff all wrong.

I just thought that if you wanted to be with someone & you loved them, you should try to do everything in your power to make them happy. That is at least what I try to do (not perfect) but I do try. I'm not selfish as some people. I give,give,give and everyone just takes,takes, takes.

How do you stop doing all the giving???
Maybe one day I will figure some of it out...Until then I have to just remember to keep my mouth shut about some things & just except THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE.

Job "friends"???

2005-05-03T20:37:00.000-05:00

Friend: 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
Friendship: 1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.

this word above and the word "love" are the 2 most MISUSED words in the English language by people.

So you start a new job and meet all the "new" people and think to yourself "hey...Maybe I could make some new friends in this place". As time goes on and you get to know these "new" people you begin to find out things about each individual person. In return they get to know you also.

Now...This "getting" to know people at your job can be good & also bad. If you are a person like me, that likes to talk and can talk to a brick wall, this can and infact will be dangerous at some point in your job.
Rule #1: Keep your JOB & HOME separate!!! (this is a must, hard to do, but a must)
Rule #2: If unhappy with job or things in the job, do not talk about this at work.
Rule #3: "TRUST NOONE" (this will bit you in the ass sooner or later)
Rule #4: At the end of the day & you are leaving, make sure you leave the job there & not take it home.

The rules above I have done all of them and that is how I know that it is not a good thing if you choose to do any of it.
I have been out of my office for 8 weeks and only been back going on 3 weeks, I have been trying to change my attitude about certain things at my office. I thought I was doing a good job at it, until yesterday when my boss & I were talking about getting some of my outside salesman back, when she asked me "had I been O.K.", no freaking out or mad outbursts. I said yes...I have been doing good with all that (I thought) but apparently someone has felt the need to latch on to every word that I say. This person (backstabber) has gone right into the V.P.'s office and felt he needed to share. My boss was told that the person said I was complaining. I really can not recall that I have done this, so now the V.P. thinks that Im complaining.
Now...Can anyone tell me, what would make a person be so selfish that they would say something that could jeopardize someone else's job. A single mom w/ a 5 yr old to raise, that's the job in jeopardy. Why???
Let's just say that I will not be saying a word to anyone in my office, unless it is a direct question about my job, I'm going to just stay in my little hole and start listening to everyone around me. See if maybe I can find out who this person is.
It's sad that people today have to be so mean and hateful to make themselves feel better. Like they have done some great deed in pointing out someone's weakness'
YEA to those who thrive on that!!! Something I can not even begin to understand.

Family

2005-04-26T05:10:00.000-05:00

It's funny how people from the same family (that have the same mom & dad) view each other. A family with a mom, dad, & siblings. All live for the most part together in the same house for most of their lives. Yes...Sometimes divorce will happen, but I truly think that if you are not a baby when that happens you will still have the same effects as the older siblings.
Maybe not to the same extent, but if the divorced parents do not have a good relationship then all the children in the family will feel the effects of their bad marriage.
The things a person remembers or chooses to forget?? I am never quite sure how the human brain stores what happens to you when you are a child. Why do we seem to remember a lot of the "bad stuff" and only a little of the "good stuff"?????
I believe this is why each person will have a different view of "what happened" or how they remember a person. Whether it be a person's actions, views on a subject, anything that forms your opinion about how a person was when you were a child.
Life is a never ending journey, of learning. How we learn is sometimes not always the most favorite by most people, the mistake making lessons, we learn from watching others & books ect... being told all these things help us be the people we will become.

However...There is always that "bump" in the road that takes us in a different direction than we had planned. This is when our memory of our childhood can come into play. Something happens & "boom" an old forgotten memory or event in our past comes to remind us of just how we got to where we are at this very moment in time.
Now...One can choose to reflect and gather new information about the memory being shown, that maybe we missed the 1st or even the 2nd time it was brought back into our lives, or (like most people) they just remember "as is" & do not take the time to reflect on it and as to why the memory is being remembered.

Family is very important.
Family does not always have an "up" side
Family will always be there (even if they don't agree)
Family is not perfect
Family is very precious

I am very blessed to have the family I do have...No, I do not agree with everything they do, but I love them and cherish each and every one of them with all my heart.

If I was to make a list and put 5 things I liked and disliked about each one of them, there would be one thing that would keep coming up on everyone's list...

1. Always there for you
(this statement can mean so many different things, not just the material things in life)

I love my family and maybe someday we will ALL be on the same page.

My mid 30's

2005-04-02T10:38:00.000-06:00

2005...A new year, "a new beginning"????? The Vote on that is still up in the air. The 1st 3 months of the year have been well...Shall we say "We just thank god everyday for giving us a brand new day to make all kinds of New and better mistakes.

When I turned 29, God had blessed me with a beautiful baby girl. She had a ruff start but you would never know that by looking at her. She is 5 going on 20.

For the most part I have a wonderful family. That I love. Sure we have our ups and downs, but what family is perfect.

When I turned 30, I was ready to close the chapter of the "20's"...Lets just say I have learned from my mistakes, except for 1.

The 1 mistake that I seem to keep on making is, a very hard thing for me to stop doing. I know that I have too, for my own well being. I think that is why I can not get better with my depression & eating disorder. It has only been 2-1/2 yrs since I admitted that I had an eating disorder (the ruffest 2-1/2 yrs of my life). Don't get me wrong, god gave me my baby girl to get me through this. She makes me strong. She is the reason I get up everyday.
My mistake is not living for ME, I have been trying to be someone that I will never be, for someone that no matter what I do or say will ever be right. I don't even know who, since I was about 11, that I am suppose to be.
When I am with Vivien, I am myself, the person I need to be all the time. But it seems that once I walk out my front door, the movie begins. I am playing a part in some movie and I don't know how to stop it.

How??? I ask do you stop playing a part that you have been acting out for the past 23 yrs of your life. How do I stop it.
The person (that I love dearly) does not even know how much pain she causes me everyday. Someone that has always been there, but just not quit in the right way.

I'm tired of this movie and I don't think I can play the part much longer. I look back on my life and relize that I have not lived it for myself.
p.s. Kimberly...You probably know who I am talking about, so PLEASE, I beg you NOT to say anything!! I'm just having a low day today, I have not had one in quite some time. I will be fine, things will be the way they need to be.

D.N.A.

2005-03-25T21:18:00.000-06:00

D.N.A.??? I have been noticing some things that my little girl has been doing!!! She just turned 5 and long before I put her in a private Pre-K school, she was smart. How smart?? Well...Let's just say that by the age of 2 she could say her ABC's and count to 10, she also by the age of 3 watched me play a game on the computer and a few days later she asked me if she could play. I told her that it was a big girl game and might be too hard. I told her to wait a sec. And I would turn the computer on and let her try. She told me she knew how and she could do it herself. I say O.K.
Guess what?? She logged on to the computer and go on the internet and found the game all by herself. I just stood there with my mouth on the floor. She is truly amazing. Vivien one day will rule the world.

However...She and I have a VERY close bond. I have an eating disorder that I have only admitted to about 2-1/2 yrs ago. I have to fight this battle everyday and I have noticed that Vivien is doing and saying some of the same things that I did or sometimes still do. I will have this disease for the rest of my life. I do not want my little girl to have my same problems. What do I do??? It seems like the harder I try to do things differently...It just does not turn out the way I planned. I am a 34 yr old single mom and sometimes I feel like my 5 yr old takes care of me. She is so wonderful; a handful; but I would not change anything about her and one day I hope that we are the best of friends. God could not have given me Vivien at a better time in my life. Funny how you think back at things that you wished for and never got and at the time you just think it's a cruel joke; but later on down the road an event will occur and that wish will come to mind and then God finally reveals just a glimpse of his grand plan for us. Then everything seems to be just right, just the way they should be.

Easter Weekend

2005-03-24T13:25:00.000-06:00

I love Easter...Christmas is my favorite, then it would have to be Easter. My daughter turned 5 years old this month, the 19th. It just does not seem like I have been a mom for 5 years. She is going to look so cute in the Easter outfit Nana & Papa bought her.
I can't wait to take pictures of her. Every year my family...The following...Nana; Papa; Aunt Kim; Uncle Alan (as of about 3 or 4 yrs now); Jennifer (a.k.a."sissy"); Stephen; Zach; Vivien; Uncle Aaron (in Cali. This yr); and myself. We spend the night at Nana & Papa's house on Sat. Night.
Mom fixes dinner and then we all gather around the table and dye EGGS. Yes...Even "us" so called adults. My 2 sisters & myself always get an egg and put our name on it (as if we are going to be the one's in the morning to run out there and find our eggs that we colored. Since 2 of the kids still believe in the "Easter bunny" us big kids get to hide the eggs in my parent's huge back yard.
Then we all get up on Sun. And see what the Easter bunny brought us...When I say "us"...I do mean the 3 grandkids plus my 2 sisters (ages 31 & 24); Me (age 34); and Alan (age 31 I think); we ALL get gifts from the "Easter bunny" too.
My mom is the greatest!!! She thinks of everything.
Then if that excitement was not enough...We all get dressed and ready to take the long 1 hour drive to our Aunt Pam's house in The Colony. Across from her house is this huge field with nothing but grass and dirt (mud if it rains); we get there around 12ish; eat; then the adults go and hide (more like throw) the 1,000's of Easter eggs and candy all over this field.
It is really something to see...We make all the kid's line up and give a "ready,set,go" and about 20 kids take off into the field.
It is lot's of fun...Us big kids get busted every year...Can't we get the "golden egg" that has money in it too!!! :)

Getting Annoyed

2005-03-23T15:53:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow 3/24 will be 4 weeks since I had surgery on my left shoulder. It is feeling better, but the muscle in my left shoulder blade/neck area is getting a little tired of holding my arm in this brace. I am not a very good paticent when if comes to follow "DOC. ORDERS". This is my 4th major surgery and I just know my body and I know that I am ready to start moving my shoulder and getting back to life.

You see...I am LEFT handed so it is a royal pain in the Butt to have this on 24/7. I'm trying really hard to do what he says, but when I can't sleep because of the brace then if just makes me crazy. My next appt. Is on 3/30...Hopefully he will tell me that I don't have to wear it at all or maybe at least get to take it off at night.

I have my brother's car right now to drive (no the doc. Did not tell me I could drive) His car is an automatic and mine is a 5 speed and at the moment there is NO radio. Vivien & I live for are morning music on the way to work & school. She is really missing the mustang as much as I am. But better to be safe that sorry.

Post Surgery

2005-03-09T22:17:00.000-06:00

Feb.24th...I had surgery on my left shoulder to make it better. You see I am left handed and my arm was just hurting more and more every day. So...I had 3 opinions before I went through with the surgery. Some people would be like...Why did you have to get 3 opinions well I have had 9 broken bones & 4 major surgeries in my lifetime, so I was not real excited about the whole thing. I'm glad I did it.
So...During the 1st 7 days my "X" hubby watched our daughter...On the 7th day Vivien was at school and I called to see how she was ( I did the same thing the day before also), but somehow when she talked to me on this day she got real upset.
About an hour later her dad called and said he was on his way to get her at school and bring her to me.
apparently...When she found out that I would not be coming to pick her up and she was not getting to come home yet. Miss Vivien tried to escape from the classroom and told all of the teachers that she "wanted her momma and if they were not going to take her, she was going to find me anyway".
I got her back on that wed. And I'm glad. I was also going crazy w/out her.
But...It is her dad's weekend this one coming up and she has freaked out several times just when my mom or I have even said anything about going to school or her dad's
Wish me luck...
I have always said she was "MY BABY GIRL" ha ha, she could care less if she ever saw her dad again. She NEVER askes to go and see him or ever call him. Sad but true.

"my car"

2005-02-10T22:26:00.000-06:00

I drive a 1994 Mustang GT 5.0 5-speed, and I LOVE IT!!!
However...It is 11 yrs. Old & things have well, lets just say, starting to go wrong.
My windows do not roll down on both sides (haven't in about 2 yrs) They want $300.00 a piece to fix them. I have gotten several quotes and it is always the same answer $300.00 a window.
I need 4 new tires (the 5th set) they cost about $750.00 for 4 new ones (that is middle of the road tires)
My tags and inspection are out!! Tags $70.00, Inspection $40.00
Oil is overdue $30.00
Total about 1,500.00

So...My ???? Is this: Do I fix these little minor things?? Or Do I take the $1,500.00 and put it down on a new "2005 Mustang GT convertible"???

I'm getting some money back from my Income Tax, and after I give my sister back the money I owe her, I will have some left.
I really want a new car, but I will not trade mine in. I would just put that one up in the garage and make it into my project car. We "sally & I" have been through way too much together.
I can not get this "new car fever" out of my mind!!!!
What am I going to do??????

My "sleeping" issue

2005-02-09T03:24:00.000-06:00

HELP!!!! Sometimes I just can't sleep. My brain will not quit working, worrying, it's always thinking!!! Someone...make it stop!!!!!!
The last time I had a good nights sleep was March 18th, 2000. How do I know the date so well...that was the last night that I fell asleep preg. w/ my daughter. I had Vivien on March 19, 2000. Ever since I had her, my sleep has gone down the drain.
Unless I take something to help me sleep then I do not stay asleep or I have trouble getting to sleep. Then it is like 3 am and I figure what is the use, I would just have to turn around and get right back up a 5am.
So...I'm about to have surgery on my shoulder and hopefully I will get some much needed rest. I don't really like the fact that Vivien will not be with me and she will be at her dad's house for the week after I have this done. I will miss her so much. But...to get fully recovered, I need my rest. Sure it will be drug induced, but maybe, just maybe my brain will shut off for once in 5 yrs. That would be nice.

Turning 34

2005-02-08T22:59:00.000-06:00

Today I turned 34 yrs old. I got up late like I do every day(because I hate my job). Had to drop my 5 yr old off with Nana (because she has strep). Then flew to work (only 5 mins late), worked till' 4:30, went to Nana & Papa's (my mom & dad), ate my favorite dinner that my mom has made me since I can remember...My favorite meal you ask...The one that if I was ever on Death Row and it came down to my LAST MEAL ever!!!...This is what it would be...my Mom's roast beef & carrots, my Dad's famous mashed potatoes & Coke to drink. That was the only good thing about my day is getting to go to my mom's house and have my 5 yr old Vivien, Stephen 10 & Zach 7 (my nephews) greet me like I was the BEST person in the world and they had waited all day to just say 3 little words to me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY NENE", yes..That is what they call me my nephew Stephen could not say Stephanie when he was little so it just came out that way and stuck. I love it!!!! They were all over me all night and it was the greatest.
That is the reason I get out of bed every morning and go to work...For Vivien and my family.

Weekend's With Vivien

2005-01-24T23:20:00.000-06:00

This past weekend was "my " weekend. I have to share her every other weekend with her dad. I hate it!!! Everyone around me says "but don't you need a break??" My answer to them is "NO", I did not have a child to "have a break" as everyone so mildly puts it. It's hard for me to understand mom's that actually "want" to be away from there kids. Being divorced to some people is o.k.
Well...Let's just say that I'm not one of those people. I love spending every sec. That I have with Vivien. I waited until I was 29 to have her and now I hate having to share her.
This past weekend we went the the Ft. Worth Stock Show. We had so much fun together. She wanted a pair of cowboy boots, so I got her some. She looked so cute. Now I need to go and get her some Rockies like mine. Actually that curl Girl brand is the ones I have now, maybe they make some for her size.
Yes...She is only 4 3/4's (march 19, she will be 5). She will be 5 this year and I am wondering where the time went.
Not every weekend do we get to do something, but if we stay at home, I play with her and were color and I watch her play on the computer. I just love it. I love my time with her and every moment is so valuable to me.
she will be the only child that I have so I don't want to miss a thing. She is my world and she is getting so big.
I hope that even though she is getting bigger that she will always want to spend time with me. I want her to have her friends and all, I just hope she does not dread being here with me one day. I want to take her places and do fun stuff with her always.
Only time will tell!

Pleasing People

2005-01-08T19:25:00.000-06:00

Let me just start off by saying that I am 33 yrs old fixin to be 34 on Feb. 8th.
However...I have for the last 34 yrs tried to please EVERYONE around me (family & friends, ect..) and always put myself last. When I do put myself even close to the top of the list, I feel guilty. WHY????
Some of my close friends tell me all the time to make sure I'm happy 1st. I just laugh and laugh and laugh somemore. For you see...I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!! Out of all the people that are closest to me and actually mean the most (besides my daugther Vivien), is the person that I try to please the most and never, and probably never will meet her standards of approval, is MY MOM. I love her dearly, but I really do not think she realizes how hard she makes things for me sometimes. She knows the type of person I am...I strive to make everyone around me happy. Most of the time I do.
I have to figure out a way to stop doing this. My sisters do not have this problem, they just tell mom how it is and that is that. I'm just not so sure I can or will ever be able to do that. Mom and I have had our share of arguements, but I always feel about as big as an ant afterwords and wish that I could take every word I said back. My mom is a GREAT mom and if I am 1/2 the mom that she is, I will be thankful.

The New Year

2005-01-07T23:56:00.000-06:00

2005, let's just hope it is better than last year. Last year started off with my Grandpa's death. Feb. the same month as my 33rd B-day, and his 76th B-day. Even though I did not see him a lot the last few years, I still miss him. Why do things have to change so much (in family) when someone dies. It's like at Christmas this year (& every year since my mom and dad got divorced) my sisters (Kimberly & Jennifer) and I with our crew go to what we call "The Garrison Christmas", now the only REAL reason that we go is for our Grandma. You see she will be 85 in Aug. this year. We all know that she will not be around forever. Don't get me wrong, we love our aunts, uncles, & cousins...we just don't EVER see them until Dec. 25 every year (unless something special like a graduation or something of that nature). I know that when my grandma pass on we will probably not ever see that side of the family. We are all growing up and have our own families.
I would really like to change some things in my life this year. I have started a list in my head and hope that I can achive these things that I want.
So far...nothing major has happened this year, I hope it stays that way.

Hell Week

2004-12-22T01:07:00.000-06:00

So...let me begin with Monday of last week. This is how it goes: I wake up only to find that my left shoulder is hurting like it has never hurt before, now you my ask WHY? Well...I flipped an Explorer 2 yrs ago and broke my collar bone. Not good you see...I'm LEFT handed. Anyway...I called my boss and left a message saying that I would be a little late because I could not move my arm. So that day was shot. I got to work about 10:00am.

Tuesday: Went to doc. At 3:00 to get a 2nd opinion about shoulder surgery.

Wednesday: get up and already running a bit late, but get Vivien to school, traffic is not too bad for 7:00 getting on I30 East when all of a sudden I'm coming off the overhead bridge to get on this lovely HWY when my car decides to just stop. It just lost power and locked up I barely got off the bridge and out of the way. Of course I start crying and call my boss telling her that again I will be late because I'm sitting on the side of the road. Let me tell you I called my Dad (which is not my real dad, but the only man that I call dad now) and he told me to call Don Davis, so the car gets towed and I get to ride in the tow truck (yea!!) I finally get to work about 10:00am. The guy at ford says we will call you when we know something. Boy did he call and let me know something, something about $500 dollars worth. I was in shock, told him to just do what will ge the car running (which is "only" $328.00).

Thursday: let me see...got to work on time but had to go to get a CT scan at 3:00 for my shoulder (having surgery the 1st of the year)(yea me!!)

Friday: get to work about 7:30 and things I think are going to finally end Hell Week...they did alright...I got a call from my daughter's school and they told me that Vivien was in the office running 104 fever. I just thru up my hands and started to cry. Tell them "I'm on ly way" and I FLY out the door, letting my boss know on my way walking out. Get a hold of the Doc. and have a 11:30 apt. it is now 10:00, the doc. comes in and listens to her and tells me that she needs to do a breathing treatment in office and if that does not work then we have to go for a chest ex-ray because she think's Vivien has phonomia. (sp)
All I can say is OH MY GOD!!!!!
I need a VACATION

Money

2004-12-08T21:48:00.000-06:00

Money...now I know tht money is not everything, but man do I wish sometimes that I had more of it. I was a hairdresser for 13 yrs., now mind you...not the hair/makeup artist that I wanted to be. Oh NO...I had to stay right here in Dallas/Ft.Worth and get married to my high school sweetheart when I was 20 (i'm now 33 and not married to him). So...my dream as a little girl was to be a hair/makeup artist for the STARS!!!, out in LA of course. I could have done it too...I have the personallity and drive, but not the BRAINS to go with my dreams, but to stay here and get married, and actually think that it would be the whole white picket fence and walk-in closet "fairy tale" that all little girls dream of. WELL...that my friend does not happen. Now I work for a company that builds appts. I don't get paid enough, but more than I was being a hairdresser around this town. One day...I will make that money that I can just buy my CARS that I wont and have everything for little Vivien. Hey...it's Wed. night and I still have yet to play that silly lottery that Texas has...maybe I should test my luck???

Single Mom's

2004-12-07T13:16:00.000-06:00

Single mom's are really unique people. I don't think (until you are one) can really appricate what I am saying. I have been raising my daugther since she was 7-1/2 months old. My husband at the time (well that is a whole other story), let's just say I got rid of him. So...a new mom with now a house pmt., bills from credit cards (that he mostly charged), a baby, and NO job. Well...thank god I was a hairdresser before I got preg., so I just went back the shop that I was working for when I had to quick (really sick preg.). Ever try to cut or color hair and have to keep running to the bathroom...Not Fun!!!! Anyway...I am very blessed with a wonderful family that will help me out whenever I needed. I worked only 20 hrs. a week at first. I did not want to be away from Vivien. I had waited so long (29yrs old when I had her), that I hated to be away from her. Not to mention I nursed until she was 11 months old. The rewards of being a single mom are far greater than the hard times that might come. She is my whole world and I would not change it for the world. That old saying "that which does not kill us; makes us stonger". Well...I am proof of that.